safety

We had an interesting experience last night. I had just finished posting and joined Corey in our bathroom to get ready for bed when we heard the sliding glass door open. Usually when we come back to our room for bed we lock up the house and turn off all of the lights, but I admit that I'm worse about checking locks than he is... especially the back doors. Still, I had locked the front door and assumed that the back doors were locked.
Our sliding door has a very loud and distinct sound -- it rumbles, it squeaks, and it grates as you open it. We were brushing our teeth and joking about something, and then we were looking at each other wide-eyed and asking, "Was that the back door??" There wasn't any question, really, because it's so loud.
What do you do when there's someone in your house who shouldn't be? I feel beyond safe in our neighborhood and have forgotten to lock even the front door without giving it a second thought. We've left our garage doors open all night (obviously not on purpose...) and never been worried. I can't really describe the shock that went through me when I heard that door open last night, but you can probably imagine my instinct. Benjamin, asleep in his room, was a hallway and a baby-gate away from us.
We had moved a phone to our bedroom earlier in the day, and Corey used it to call 911. He locked our bedroom door, despite my repeated "but Benjamin!" As he explained our situation to the operator, I kept waiting for her to say "go ahead and get your son, just be quick and quiet." Silly, I know, but I kept hoping. Even now, when the rational side of me is back and I can see clearly that it's better to keep him asleep and safe in his crib while we're locked and safe in our bedroom, I can't say that I wouldn't try and get to him again. Instead, Corey had me sit down and I began to pray words that hadn't come to mind since Benjamin was a little Rhubarb, tiny and uncertain in my womb. "God, I can't be sure that my baby is safe. I can't hold him and see him and protect him right now. But you can. You've been forming him, and shaping him, and you know how to care for him better than I do. Hold my little one for me, until I get the chance."

Thankfully, there were several cops in our immediate area and they were tromping through our backyard within about 5 minutes. We hadn't heard anything else from inside the house, and I had been hoping that whoever opened the door just saw the newly-positioned computer and thought it was enough. When we met the officer at the back door we saw that the sliding door was closed and locked. How? No idea. He hadn't seen anything by the side-yard so he figured that someone tried to open the door and couldn't actually get in. He thanked Corey for calling and keeping his family safe, then left us to check on Benjamin and go to bed. (I didn't end up waking Benjamin because he had been up briefly with teething pain at 9, but I made sure that he was sleeping soundly and safe.)
My heart had a hard time calming down after we were "safe" again... which was made more difficult by the adrenaline shot that woke our Rutabaga. There had been no real danger, thankfully, and we were in the best possible situation, but it's hard to ignore the fear from not-knowing. We thought about it later and realized that Corey had been the last one outside that afternoon, which means (a)the door had been locked all along (he's much better about that than I am!) and (b)the screen door had been shut as well (one of his habits). When the cops were here they pointed out that the screen was half-open, which could have been the noise we heard. Our screen is loud and squeaky, certainly, but we both heard the rumble that accompanies the glass door as well. I can't explain it at all, but I don't think we over-reacted.

God has been giving me a lot of lessons in control lately. I take too many things for granted in my life, mostly because they've been easy in the past. My sense of security hasn't been coming from anything other than the knowledge that it's been OK until now. So when things start to get shaky, I take an "everything will work out" attitude and then try to fix it. In the past week or so I've had to reach a place of surrender with job situations, financial worries, peace, and my marriage. I'm re-learning to trust God with these things, even though it's been a long and slow process. Despite being a small matter, last night was hard for me -- but I've been reminded again of Isaiah 23:6 and for that I am grateful.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."