where did August go?

Monday is bringing September with it, and that means the start of classes. I had a whole list of things to accomplish with my "break" this summer... and I'm actually surprised to say that most of them were completed. Unfortunately, the things that have been neglected most are baby-related (I fixed the sewing machine, for example, but never got around to making the burp rags). I saw my doctor this week and he set a birth date, so now I'm looking at less than six weeks to get everything together. We don't have a crib, which doesn't concern me because we use a bassinet for the first few months. We don't have all of the clothes sorted, which isn't too bad because at least they're all in one place (granted, that place is the rafters of the garage...). We haven't called the diaper service, but they don't deliver the first load until one-week-out anyway. Really, I'm feeling so much more prepared and confident this time around just from having some experience, so all of these "little" things aren't really keeping me up nights.

What worries me is all of the other details of our life -- shopping, bills, schedules, homework, meals, classes... How are these things going to change when we add a new little one? I know from experience that I'll be exhausted, even more than I can possibly imagine, and that my mind will turn briefly to mush (seriously, I remember trying to read for a class 3 weeks post-Benjamin and spending two hours on 10 pages. Ouch!) I also know that all of the details will seem unimportant, and that we'll just make it work somehow. I just remember coming out a haze a few months after Benjamin was born, looking at a stack of papers that were never organized and bills that I forgot to pay, having to pull several all-nighters to finish school projects, and wondering when my life would feel organized again. Is it strange that I feel the need to hyper-organize now, and that the lack of a plan is my greatest source of stress??

My boy is being patient with me while I create endless lists in my head and insist that we discuss things to death (I'm sure he's thinking, "why does it matter if you start making frozen meals 2 weeks out or 3 weeks out??"... but it does!) He's also been understanding with my sudden need to pay bills right now or go to school immediately or plan our next three months to the day. I don't think anything can prepare me for the way my heart will expand on October 9th, or the way my head will hurt when I go back to school 10 days later, but I'm doing what I can to make the transition easy for all of us.

This wasn't supposed to be a post about my uncertain September; I had planned on sharing some pictures from our trip to CA. You can find most of our pictures and stories here (naturally), but I wanted to share some non-Benjamin ones as well:

I make cookies for my dad every time we visit --
peanut butter and chocolate chip!
(I shouldn't have looked at this picture... now I want one.)

Cayucos

the pier

Alice's house (and my mom, being silly)

sisters!

I have more to share, but my little guy is ready to be done napping... Hopefully I can post again before it's the end of September! ;-)

flying with baby, take 2

An addition, after my solo-with-Benjamin experience yesterday: When taking your "baby" as a lap child, make sure that there's a LAP for him to sit on. We had a full flight, a small plane, and a little guy who didn't want to stay still for the required 2 hours. Ah! Thankfully the man next to me was understanding, and the man whose seat kept getting kicked was forgiving, and we made it to CA in one piece. (Well, most of us did. Between Benjamin pushing on my stomach for 2 hours and Rutabaga pushing back at him, I'm not sure that I have a middle anymore.)

I'll be back with a real post soon, just wanted to check in and mention that I've been updating on Benjamin and the pregnancy.

seven

Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts, though not one that gets celebrated much any more. Neither my boy or I have been very good about recognizing our milestones -- probably because 4 years of a long-distance romance made it no fun -- and other than a weekend away every October there's not much that warrants gifts and cards for each other. That's probably why I had to check my calendar again when I saw the date that was approaching, and why I almost didn't believe how much time had passed. Seven years? Have I really been his for that long? I suppose you could say that I haven't "been his" since our wedding, nearly 3 years ago. Or that I wasn't his until the proposal, almost 2 years before that. Anyone who knew my heart wouldn't agree with that though, because he had me within a month of our first kiss.

I waited a long time to date, choosing to observe other people's misadventures and broken hearts rather than sacrificing myself. I even fought the feelings when they began to surface for him, this friend of mine who seemed so different than everyone else. I analyzed our conversations and picked apart our encounters, trying to find the difference so that I could label it something else. By the time I was ready to admit what was changing inside of me, the circumstances couldn't have been worse. I was leaving for college in 12 days -- physically a state away but really so much further. We were in the middle of a week at camp -- he one of the youngest counselors and me one of the oldest campers. It was a horrible time to start something new, and I almost didn't believe it when he kissed me one night. I floated back to my cabin and got ready for bed, thankful for the darkness that hid my beaming face, and wrote a note so that I would never forget the date. August 8, 2001. It was only later, when we were trying to figure out how "we" worked (or might possibly work) that I began to realize how much of a struggle he had gone through as well. It's silly, but I always assumed that when I finally gave in to my feelings for a boy, he would be beyond grateful and eager to make it work. I don't have such a high opinion of myself as a "catch," but I was used to being the only set of brakes in most relationships. In reality, to know that he had been working through doubts and fears about our changing friendship right along side me was a huge relief.

It was barely a month after our kiss that I had my first dream, and I remember waking from it in disbelief. I turned to my roommate and said, "I'm going to marry him..." and she politely "ummhmm"ed me in her sleep. It felt so strange to say, but even stranger to know -- that I was OK on my own but would be better with him. That he would be a part of me for the rest of my life (which is pretty unimaginable at the ripe age of 17!) I'm excited to celebrate our third wedding anniversary in a few months, because it's important to look back on the day that we publically committed our lives to each other. I hope that I never stop celebrating August 8th as well, because that was the day that my heart began to open to love. I think about myself, heart pounding, face beaming, giddy with the excitement of the boy in front of me, and I think -- you have no idea.

brew festival

We had this great idea at Christmastime to get our siblings up here for the brew festival this summer, and it almost worked for us! My sister was already planning on coming up to attend with 3 of her friends, so our gifts to the brothers were plane tickets for them to join in on the fun. Unfortunately, my brother had a concert to perform last Saturday (which I heard was amazing! Can't wait to see the video!) and Corey's brother had a wedding engagement that he couldn't miss... and 2 of my sister's friends backed out as well... so we ended up with a much smaller party! We ended up staying home on Saturday when Heather and her friends were at the festival, just because it was right in the middle of a nap, and Saturday afternoon/evening tends to be the time when you can't turn around without bumping into someone's beer (which stinks when you're the size of 2 people, and even more when you're pushing a stroller). We went on Sunday afternoon instead, which was much less crowded -- but they were out of about half of the beers due to Saturday night. Oh well, next year we'll head over on Thursday or Friday and call it good :-)

Corey's used to drinking alone when we go to the brew festivals (although last winter we had some friends join us and that was better!) so it was fun for him to have my sister there. Usually he says, "wanna try it??" to me and I look at him like he's trying to poison me... then I settle for smelling it, but all I can really say is "yup. Smells like beer." This time he had someone to swap tastes and compare notes with, which made both of us feel better!

The winter ale festival is the one that Corey gets REALLY excited about, so maybe we need to stop trying to get family up here during the summer and shoot for that one instead. Anyone? Anyone? Well, one of these years...

(I should note two things: 1)my sister spent the weekend trying to teach Benjamin to say "Beer" and thus should be considered a bad influence, and 2)when we walked into the festival and had IDs checked, the man looked at my ID and then at my belly and said, "pregnant?? sheesh" like I was going to be the one drinking. Yeah, and while you're at it could you pass over a mug for my 15 month old?? thanks.)

good ol' Portland

trying to fit in
(he can "holler" with the best of them when the cheering starts!)

happy beer tasters

Mmmm.
(they have free draft root beer for the DDs, but it was gone when we got there... sad!)

a little disgruntled that he didn't get to taste any

all done!