it gets better...

(more here and here.)

I started to write this post one week ago, and I'm glad that I never got around to finishing it. What I had written was basically a comparison of my first-week experience from Benjamin with one week of Madeline... and it was pretty depressing. I don't remember much from the first time around, which is probably why I decided to have another baby, but somehow I expected things to be so easy with #2. I couldn't ask for an easier baby than Madeline, but even easy babies need to eat every 3 hours (that means, with feeding and burping and changing and cuddling you're lucky to get an hour and a half of sleep between feedings...) and no matter how good your baby is, your body is still undergoing huge hormonal changes. So I've decided to ditch my frustration-filled downer post and focus instead on how good I feel now.

Because really, I feel pretty good. After the first few days at home I've been able to move freely with minimal abdominal pain, my body is starting to adapt to a broken (and somewhat non-existent) sleep pattern, and I don't *quite* feel as brain-dead as I did with Benjamin. Those are huge improvements from a week ago!

I think the biggest difference in my experiences this time around has been an ability to acknowledge that I'm in a stage of transition right now. When I'm feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, or even blue for no reason at all, I'm able to recognize that my body is adjusting, my little guy is trying to figure out his new place in the family, and it definitely won't be this way forever. I'm anxious for Madeline to grow and start sleeping for longer stretches, but I'm trying to remind myself that she'll be hitting the one-month marker before I've blinked. Or the one-year. Or fast approaching on 18 months. Yeesh.

The other big difference this time has been an abundance of love from our church family and friends. My "moms" group at church has been bringing us dinner every other night, and many of my friends have stopped in for the day (or flown in for a few!) just to spend time with us. It's strange to say that Corey's current job predicament is a blessing of sorts, but even having him home with me has done huge things for my morale. We've been able to take both kids out a few times, and my life is starting to feel normal again.

Now, if I could just focus enough to get back into the swing of my homework...

heading home

after 3 *lovely* days at the hospital, Madeline and I are headed home! I'm looking forward to sleep without interruptions for vitals checks, my own bed, a long shower, and watching Benjamin play. I'm going to miss someone bringing me water and juice every few hours, and the constant feedback as I get used to breastfeeding (again). And it's pretty nice to have a steady stream of people coming in to tell you how gorgeous your daughter is ;-)

I've been updating on life and Madeline over here and will probably continue to do so for the next little bit. You can also check out Benjamin's blog, since I'm sure I'll be updating there in the coming week as well. Otherwise, I'll most likely be quieter as we get adjusted to life with two little ones!

(As a parting gift, here is Madeline at 9 hours old...)

baby!!

I'm sitting in the hospital late at night, listening to my new little one let out small whimpers as she tries to fall back asleep. She's perfect, she's beautiful, and I can't get over the fact that she's ours.


Madeline Joyce was born October 9th at 9:07am. She weighs 7 lbs 11 0z and is 19 inches long. Her head is full of dark, wavy hair, and her eyes are a lovely shade of "newborn blue". She has her Daddy's toes and fingers, her Mommy's mouth and nose, and a completely healthy everything-in-between. We are in love with this little girl already and thanking God for her smooth delivery into our lives!

Her birth story is available, along with more pictures (and some video that I'll most likely put up tomorrow). As usual, if you don't have access to the private blog(s) you should feel free to email me (bethany.bowers@gmail.com) and get in the loop!

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes during the past 9 months, and especially the past few weeks. We feel so blessed to have this gift with us!!

celebrating

Today is our 3-year anniversary... it's crazy how time can fly by, but I can still feel like we've been doing this forever.

(I love this boy so much!)

Daddy brought us donuts and hot chocolate this morning, and Benjamin enjoyed his first jelly-filled donut hole. (I don't know if you can see his upper lip or not, but he's really enjoying it!) Not unlike Daddy, little guy took about 45 minutes to get through this treat:


We had a few things to get through in order to be ready for tomorrow, but it was still a relaxing and fun day. Strange how having my house spotless before heading to the hospital was the best anniversary gift ever!!

My second cousin is spending the night with our little guy, so we had the chance to get out and spend some time together. We had an AMAZING dinner in downtown Portland, complete with a complimentary chocolate anniversary cake, and just enjoyed our last night of "freedom" (for a while, anyway!) I'm not supposed to eat/drink anything after midnight tonight, but I think that cake will be with me for the next 2 days anyway!!

We're headed to the hospital early in the morning and expecting a baby sometime before 9am (unless there's an emergency ahead of us), so keep your eyes on Rutabaga's blog for updates!


This is completely unrelated to anything, other than he's getting so big and we can't help celebrating his life as well --

"Wait... you're bringing home what?!?"

laboring

No, not me. Well, at least not officially. (On that front, I'm doing a count-down of sorts for this next week and you can find it on the pregnancy blog if you're interested.)

I was in bible study yesterday and we were talking about the way things are versus the way that things are intended to be, or could be, or should be if all was right with the world. I don't think that I have even half figured all of that out, but it was an interesting discussion anyway. We looked at the book of Romans to get some insight into a biblical perspective of the "should be" (etc.) and as I read Paul's assessment of the human condition as "a people laboring," I started to see a little of what he was getting at. That shouldn't be too surprising, given my current condition and the state of my thoughts these days, but still.

There's a lot of joy to be found in pregnancy. The excitement in the beginning begins to fade as morning sickness sets in, but then you see (or hear) the heartbeat and realize that a new life is growing, even if you can't feel it. The power of that may fade a little as the weeks stretch to months, especially if you're still feeling sick or tired, but then you begin to experience little taps and twirls as the life starts to explore its water world. As it grows and your stomach swells, the joy can turn to frustration with having to slow down, or eat differently, or maybe with how long everything seems to be taking, but then you realize that there's an end in sight, and a baby there, and that no one has been pregnant forever. I'll admit that the hardest part of pregnancy is where I am stuck currently -- when the movement becomes a painful pressure and my body begins to prepare for birth, when I can't get comfortable for longer than a few minutes, when I feel ready and have to continue to wait anyway... Especially the waiting. Because even though no woman has been pregnant forever, you can't help wondering if you might just be the first exception. How could something that has been so longed for, so anticipated, that will be so loved, not be as ready as I am??

When I was reading Romans yesterday, I started to see that my impatience with life can be very similar. There are things to rejoice in, things that excite me, and intermixed are things that frustrate me and tear me down. While pregnant, you can get by on the euphoria of that first heartbeat, the quickening, making it to your last trimester, having your water break... or you can find peace in the knowledge that eventually, one day, your body will decide that it's time and you will hold new life in your hands. Likewise, there are plenty of things in life to keep me positive and smiling, even despite the bad that is tempered in, but there's something that I'm heading toward - a bigger purpose - that is a better focus of my attention. The "someday" that Jesus promises isn't as easy to wait for, because a due date doesn't jump excitedly from the calendar. It's harder to stay focused when you don't know how long you have to, and it's harder to find joy in that outcome when it could be generations away. Even so, should I deprive myself of the small miracles that can be encountered from the experience? Should I forget that something better is coming, and choose to dwell on the pains that I feel now?

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (Romans 8:22-25)

I'm still mulling on this, but praying that I can trade my impatience for peace.