I was in bible study yesterday and we were talking about the way things are versus the way that things are intended to be, or could be, or should be if all was right with the world. I don't think that I have even half figured all of that out, but it was an interesting discussion anyway. We looked at the book of Romans to get some insight into a biblical perspective of the "should be" (etc.) and as I read Paul's assessment of the human condition as "a people laboring," I started to see a little of what he was getting at. That shouldn't be too surprising, given my current condition and the state of my thoughts these days, but still.
There's a lot of joy to be found in pregnancy. The excitement in the beginning begins to fade as morning sickness sets in, but then you see (or hear) the heartbeat and realize that a new life is growing, even if you can't feel it. The power of that may fade a little as the weeks stretch to months, especially if you're still feeling sick or tired, but then you begin to experience little taps and twirls as the life starts to explore its water world. As it grows and your stomach swells, the joy can turn to frustration with having to slow down, or eat differently, or maybe with how long everything seems to be taking, but then you realize that there's an end in sight, and a baby there, and that no one has been pregnant forever. I'll admit that the hardest part of pregnancy is where I am stuck currently -- when the movement becomes a painful pressure and my body begins to prepare for birth, when I can't get comfortable for longer than a few minutes, when I feel ready and have to continue to wait anyway... Especially the waiting. Because even though no woman has been pregnant forever, you can't help wondering if you might just be the first exception. How could something that has been so longed for, so anticipated, that will be so loved, not be as ready as I am??
When I was reading Romans yesterday, I started to see that my impatience with life can be very similar. There are things to rejoice in, things that excite me, and intermixed are things that frustrate me and tear me down. While pregnant, you can get by on the euphoria of that first heartbeat, the quickening, making it to your last trimester, having your water break... or you can find peace in the knowledge that eventually, one day, your body will decide that it's time and you will hold new life in your hands. Likewise, there are plenty of things in life to keep me positive and smiling, even despite the bad that is tempered in, but there's something that I'm heading toward - a bigger purpose - that is a better focus of my attention. The "someday" that Jesus promises isn't as easy to wait for, because a due date doesn't jump excitedly from the calendar. It's harder to stay focused when you don't know how long you have to, and it's harder to find joy in that outcome when it could be generations away. Even so, should I deprive myself of the small miracles that can be encountered from the experience? Should I forget that something better is coming, and choose to dwell on the pains that I feel now?
"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (Romans 8:22-25)I'm still mulling on this, but praying that I can trade my impatience for peace.
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