happier things

(from 2 weekends ago, when my parents were visiting. So big!!)

confessions, take two

(pictures here and here)

1. I hate running. REALLY hate running. And yet, it's the one activity that I consistently return to. I think it's maybe because I can't find anything easier that helps me get into shape -- really, all you need to run is a good pair of shoes. A lot of people use running-time as a time to get away from kids/work/whatever, or even as a quiet prayer time. Not me. I usually end up bored with myself and my thoughts, and then I start counting steps or something. When I was training for the marathon I actually repeated times-tables to myself to keep from chewing off my own arm from boredom. I got pretty quick with my 6's and 8's.

2. I'm doing weight watchers and I'm supposed to write down everything I eat. Hah! I'm pretty good about it until I want to eat something that's not very healthy. Instead of figuring out how many points it's worth, I just stop keeping track. Ignorance is bliss, right? And so is chocolate.

3. When Madeline wakes in the early hours of the morning, my first instinct is to plug her with the pacifier. A lot of moms I know actually get up and feed their babies in the middle of the night, but not me. I'm usually barely awake, and it takes all of my energy to stumble into her room to re-plug. If she wakes me again within 10 minutes then I figure she's really hungry...

• sub-confession: that was a lie. I actually have a THREE cry rule. If she wakes me three times within a 10-15 minute period, then I take her seriously. That's right, I value sleep more than nursing my potentially hungry baby. (Before you call child services on me, you should know that she rarely rarely needs to eat in the middle of the night. Usually she's just waking from habit, or because she's quirky and decides that she needs to see my face.)

4. I'm really scared to start my internship. What if classroom smarts translate into working stupids? What if I really screw up and some poor kid ends up missing out on help? What if I miss my kids too much to function normally?

• sub-confession: part of my fear is that I have nothing to wear and don't know how to use make-up. What if they mistake me for a student??? A really badly dressed, earth-child, exchange student???
  

5. I haven't finished unpacking my house yet. I think part of me expects to wake up back at the old house still. And part of me doesn't want to deal with finding new places for things. Mostly though, I'm just feeling lazy.

6. I hate grocery shopping. I don't mind cooking, especially if someone tells me what to cook, but I hate having to come up with a menu plan and then go shopping for it. I've tried couponing, buying with sales, cooking out of my pantry... all different shades of the same torture. I realize that I confessed to hating shopping last time, but it definitely warrants a new confession. My hate runs deep. I also hate that it takes me FOREVER to get any shopping done. I think my husband hates that part too.

• sub-confession: I hate that when I went shopping yesterday I stuck to my list and didn't buy anything sweet, fatty, salty, or otherwise bad for my weight-loss dreams. How am I supposed to cheat on weight-watchers if all I have in the cupboard is baby food??
  

7. I was supposed to be blogging about our vacation during Madeline's morning nap. I can hear her stirring over the monitor. I'm seriously thinking about letting her hang out in the crib for awhile so that I can upload pictures. Thinking... thinking... yeah, that's probably not such a good idea. She's recently learned how to scream.

8. When Madeline screams I sometimes want to walk away and pretend I don't know her. Then she squeals with delight and I forgive her. I don't think that makes me a bad mom though, just normal.

9. I'm a dork. But you already knew that, right? (see, and you thought I was lying about that earth-child thing!)

What do you have to confess today?

waking up

It's been a long time since I've posted over here... and a long time since I've felt like posting... but I don't have much to say about that other than my excuses are good ones.

My heart has been undergoing a new kind of surgery lately and I have to admit it's thrown me for a loop. I don't like feeling torn apart, but I'm also not ready to heal completely.

If you want to know what we've been up to around here, including our big move and the latest with the little girl, you should definitely check out the other blogs. At least I can say I've been trying to keep up with those! I'm keeping my head above water as I wait for my internship to start, prepare to send my kids to daycare for the first time, settle into the new house, and nurse my emotional train wreck.

Don't be worried though. There's a lot to keep me smiling around here! I promise:





...that last one reminds me that I never shared about the half-marathon success. Annie and I raced in June and finished in 2hrs, 35 min. Actually, she was about a half minute ahead of me ;-) I'm so proud that we were able to run together and keep motivated (OK, well she kept me motivated...) and I've already promised that we can do it again when SHE has baby weight to shed. Yahoo, running for insanely long distances! I wanted to share a few pictures:

Madeline was 8 months. Compare to --

post-marathon with Benjamin, 8.5 months

thanks for being my support team, Annie!

No promises, but I'll try to get back into the swing of things soon. We're going on vacation next week... that bodes very well for reflection opportunities!

big suprises!!

First off, NO I am NOT PREGNANT. Don't even think about it. Or joke about it. Or think about joking about it. If in fact I WERE pregnant, I would not be posting about it. I would be curled in a ball, twitching in some sort of padded room. Not that I don't love my babies and all... aren't they cute? But no. Nonono. Not right now, anyway. Instead, I have OTHER big, surprising news. Three sets of it, actually.

1. I have an internship for next year. WAHOO!! I had a last-minute interview with a regional ESD (educational services district) up here and they liked me. So yay :-) I'm not going into specifics, since this isn't exactly a private blog, but I'm really really happy about it. The sad part is that I won't be receiving any kind of stipend for the internship, which means that we'll be stretched just a little thin next year, but God has shown us that he can provide again and again. So we're trusting in that. And we should be!! (See point 3.) Oh, and I'm also really sad about having to leave my children in someone else's care for the majority of the day (starting in August anyway), but I'm not really letting myself think about that yet, since I don't really have a choice in the matter. Well, I guess I DO have a choice if I don't want to get my internship, graduate, and eventually be a school psychologist. Details.
2. We're moving! That is NOT a wahoo-worthy point, in case you were wondering. That is a very, very, VERY un-wahoo thing. The owner of our house decided to sell, and we're not in a place where we're ready to buy, so we have to get out of here. In, like, 30 days. AHHH! We're scrambling to find another place nearby (or at least somewhat nearby) and pack up all of our stuff, and get all of our utilities and whatnot in order... Plus having to repaint, deep clean, and scour this house. I'm actually really really sad about it, but that will be a post for another time. Right now, I'm trying not to think about it. (Do you sense my theme of denial? Whatever works, right?)
3. Corey got a new job! YAY! Since this job is a change by choice and not by let-go, we're very excited. I would even say it qualifies as a YAY-WAHOO thing. He'll be doing underwriting again, but don't worry. We're OK with it. And even better, he's really excited to be doing something productive with his days again. A happy boy makes a happy family :-)

So, as you can see, there's a lot happening around here. I should probably also say that my spring semester finally ended, and that my summer classes start up again next week, but I'm not really worried about the few credits I'm taking. No big deal :-) At least not when there are OTHER exciting things to plan -- like a big move, a big vacation, and a BIG BOY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY! (I guess I can no longer deny the fact that little guy is going to be 2 in a few weeks...)

This would be a characteristic time for me to say, "oh, and by the way, I'm also pregnant." BUT I'M STILL NOT. See, now isn't God gracious? :-)