back in the swing

Remember this? It's been almost 2 years since my sister and I ran our marathon and we made a pact to never put ourselves through that kind of pain again. When it came time to lose some Madeline-weight I opted for a half marathon and found it much more to my liking (though I still found a way to not be in the best shape). I'm beyond the point when the word "marathon" makes me cringe a little, but I'm definitely not excited by the idea of trying another one.

My sister, on the other hand, has decided that the time is right. She's wanting to get into shape again and needing the extra incentive that a marathon provides (you really can't attempt one without having done SOME training... and you'll probably end up in pain if you haven't done MONTHS of training). At first I just laughed at her, but then I realized that she was serious. I still didn't like it, but I approached the topic with my boy. He laughed until he realized that I was serious, then he said "no" and walked away. It's fair to say that we've had an extremely busy year, and training for my last marathon took a lot of dedication from both of us. I understood his hesitation (ok, refusal) especially since I've had trouble fitting in any kind of workout lately, let alone at least 45-60 minutes of running 5 days a week. Still, I couldn't let it go. I remember the first conversation I had with my sister, when all I needed was a little support and she wholeheartedly agreed without reservation. The boy and I talked about it some more, and I pulled out the big guns -- she said yes when I needed her, and now she needs me to say yes too. (That probably wasn't a very fair argument to use, but it's the one I've been giving to myself since I still don't really want to run another one.) We came to an agreement of sorts: I get to train for these next few months and see how it goes, especially since the longer runs won't come until March. At that point, I'll be done with my thesis, almost done with classes, and hopefully pulling together the last 8ish weeks of my internship... so maybe things will be easier?

It looks like we're aiming for the weekend of June 5th, when our options are San Diego, CA or Newport, OR. That give us 5 months to train, though the program we use only needs 20 weeks. Can you tell I'm still trying to talk myself into some sort of acceptance?

I started running again this weekend and have managed to workout 3 out of the last 4 days. I'm starting pretty slow so that it seems manageable (and my darling boy doesn't kill the idea within the first week), but I'm also trying to change my attitude this time around. Running for me has always been a "have to" -- I was in cross country, I needed to lose weight, I needed to get into shape, it's so easy, etc. When I went out on Friday afternoon I realized how lucky I am that I CAN run. My body easily slips into form, I can keep a pretty good pace, and within days of starting again my aches pretty much dissolve. It's like I was made to be a runner, even though I like to say that I'm not very good at it.

I remember being in high school and running 330 meter hurdles -- I can still close my eyes and feel that rush of adrenaline as I sprint around the track, the bunching of my muscles as I go over the hurdle, the lengthening of my stride as I land and pick up my pace. I can also remember the feeling of tackling a big hill in cross country, speeding up and changing my rhythm to use the leg muscles that have been shaped through months of training. I always hated racing, which is basically the purpose of cross country, so I look back and say that I didn't enjoy the sport... but really, I enjoyed the feeling of running.

I'm trying to change my attitude and my focus this time around. I don't want to waste another 5 months and hundreds of miles, just to get through the marathon and say "ugh, that was horrible." I want to enjoy my time on the road, embrace the ways that my body is changing, and mentally prepare myself to feel good at the end of it all. I'm also trying to use my running time as "me" time -- to break my habit of multiplication tables and use the time to refocus my day. I'll let you know how it goes ;-)

Here's a present for making it through my long rambling post --

there are at least 3 things wrong with this picture. bonus points if you can find them!
(and yes, Benjamin still asks to wear his halloween costume almost daily. that's not one of them.)

This is also the part where I ask for company. When we ran our last marathon my sister convinced two of her friends to join us -- they trained together in San Jose, she trained in Redlands, and I trained in Portland. We ran together when we were in the same state, otherwise we just stayed accountable and raced together on marathon day. If you've been itching to run a marathon, or even a half-marathon, and you want a little company (or maybe just that extra kick in the pants) then I'm talking to YOU. We're starting a new decade, what better time to cross this off the "someday" list?

fall recap

I just finished updating the boy and girl blogs, so I thought I should hop over here and freshen things up a bit. There's not a whole lot to say about my fall, other than it's been BUSY, FULL, a little CRAZY, and sometimes FUN. I've found a lot to learn, a lot to laugh about, and a little time to pick up the pieces of myself.



















I've set a few goals for myself this year -- to eat better, to journal more, to take more pictures, and to make the most of my time with my family. You'll note that I haven't set a blogging goal, a weight loss goal, or a "graduate with a 4.0 and be the best school psychologist ever" goal. I'm learning that sometimes good enough is enough to keep me happy (to the delight of my husband, I'm sure).

Here's to a happy and healthy 2010 in our household!

happier things

(from 2 weekends ago, when my parents were visiting. So big!!)

confessions, take two

(pictures here and here)

1. I hate running. REALLY hate running. And yet, it's the one activity that I consistently return to. I think it's maybe because I can't find anything easier that helps me get into shape -- really, all you need to run is a good pair of shoes. A lot of people use running-time as a time to get away from kids/work/whatever, or even as a quiet prayer time. Not me. I usually end up bored with myself and my thoughts, and then I start counting steps or something. When I was training for the marathon I actually repeated times-tables to myself to keep from chewing off my own arm from boredom. I got pretty quick with my 6's and 8's.

2. I'm doing weight watchers and I'm supposed to write down everything I eat. Hah! I'm pretty good about it until I want to eat something that's not very healthy. Instead of figuring out how many points it's worth, I just stop keeping track. Ignorance is bliss, right? And so is chocolate.

3. When Madeline wakes in the early hours of the morning, my first instinct is to plug her with the pacifier. A lot of moms I know actually get up and feed their babies in the middle of the night, but not me. I'm usually barely awake, and it takes all of my energy to stumble into her room to re-plug. If she wakes me again within 10 minutes then I figure she's really hungry...

• sub-confession: that was a lie. I actually have a THREE cry rule. If she wakes me three times within a 10-15 minute period, then I take her seriously. That's right, I value sleep more than nursing my potentially hungry baby. (Before you call child services on me, you should know that she rarely rarely needs to eat in the middle of the night. Usually she's just waking from habit, or because she's quirky and decides that she needs to see my face.)

4. I'm really scared to start my internship. What if classroom smarts translate into working stupids? What if I really screw up and some poor kid ends up missing out on help? What if I miss my kids too much to function normally?

• sub-confession: part of my fear is that I have nothing to wear and don't know how to use make-up. What if they mistake me for a student??? A really badly dressed, earth-child, exchange student???
  

5. I haven't finished unpacking my house yet. I think part of me expects to wake up back at the old house still. And part of me doesn't want to deal with finding new places for things. Mostly though, I'm just feeling lazy.

6. I hate grocery shopping. I don't mind cooking, especially if someone tells me what to cook, but I hate having to come up with a menu plan and then go shopping for it. I've tried couponing, buying with sales, cooking out of my pantry... all different shades of the same torture. I realize that I confessed to hating shopping last time, but it definitely warrants a new confession. My hate runs deep. I also hate that it takes me FOREVER to get any shopping done. I think my husband hates that part too.

• sub-confession: I hate that when I went shopping yesterday I stuck to my list and didn't buy anything sweet, fatty, salty, or otherwise bad for my weight-loss dreams. How am I supposed to cheat on weight-watchers if all I have in the cupboard is baby food??
  

7. I was supposed to be blogging about our vacation during Madeline's morning nap. I can hear her stirring over the monitor. I'm seriously thinking about letting her hang out in the crib for awhile so that I can upload pictures. Thinking... thinking... yeah, that's probably not such a good idea. She's recently learned how to scream.

8. When Madeline screams I sometimes want to walk away and pretend I don't know her. Then she squeals with delight and I forgive her. I don't think that makes me a bad mom though, just normal.

9. I'm a dork. But you already knew that, right? (see, and you thought I was lying about that earth-child thing!)

What do you have to confess today?